


Closer

by cashewsaregay



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Fusion, Kissing, M/M, Making Out, nsfw towards the end, yes i know theyre the same person i dont know why i wrote this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:29:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23836909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cashewsaregay/pseuds/cashewsaregay
Summary: Steven tries to fuse back with his gem half.
Relationships: Pink Steven Universe/Steven Universe
Comments: 11
Kudos: 191





	Closer

Steven ran. He had no idea where he was going, he just needed to get away from his Dad, the Gems, everybody. So, he ran with all of his might, stopping to catch his breath when he ended up somewhere in the forest. 

He clutched at his head to stop the pounding, gritting his teeth. 

Who did they think they were, acting like his problems were so simple, that he could just talk it out with them. They didn’t really know him. No one did. 

And to think, he could have had a normal life. If not for his stupid gem, he could have been a normal human. But that would be impossible, wouldn’t it? Because how could he exist at all, without Pink Diamond’s gem?

He wished that Pink Diamond had never given her gem to him. He wished she’d have dealt with her own damn problems instead of dumping them onto him and abandoning everyone who loved her. How could she be so fucking selfish?

His body felt like fire, burning a bright pink, energy radiating off of him in pulses. Suddenly, the energy centered around his gem, interrupting his thoughts and causing him to double over in pain. 

A scream escaped his throat as he felt himself come undone, part of himself being violently torn away. 

For a few seconds, the world went black. He slowly blinked, seeing the dirt beneath him, hearing his heavy breathing and the pulsing in his ears, now louder than ever. 

He felt awful, nausea overcoming him. An exhaustion like no other weighed him down, causing him to struggle to breath, head spinning. The last time he felt this way was…

When White Diamond took his gem out. 

Suddenly, he noticed a glowing, pink foot standing beside him from where he lay face-down. Looking up with a start, he locked eyes with himself. 

He gasped in horror, crawling backwards, further away from his gem counterpart. 

For a while, they stared at each other in silence, aside from Steven’s loud, labored breaths. 

As Steven studied the pink version of himself, looking into the diamond-shaped pupils of his eyes, he felt anger rise in him. 

“What are you doing here!? What the hell just happened!?” he demanded. 

The pink gem stared back blankly. 

“Answer me!” he yelled, straining his weakened throat. 

Finally, the gem spoke. 

“You… don’t want me.” 

“What?” 

“You don’t want me.” he repeated, emotionless. 

Steven thought. 

“I… no, I don’t want you.” his previous confusion was replaced with rage once again. 

“You’ve been ruining everything! You’ve been making my powers go berserk, and it’s hurting people that I love! Why won’t you just go away!?” he screamed. 

Apparently, he had strained his body too much, because he collapsed into the dirt again, throat burning. He fought back tears. As much as he hated his gem, he also hated how weak he was without it. He hated that he needed it to live. 

His ears pounded so loudly that he did not hear the soft footsteps approaching. 

He felt a hand on his shoulder. 

The contact with his other half soothed some of his body’s complaints, and he found himself strong enough to look back up at the gem. 

He was surprised to find the usually emotionless face looking… not quite angry, but stern, disappointed. 

“We need each other.” the gem stated simply.   
“I don’t need you!”

Steven pushed him back with a grunt, his pain coming back full force once the contact ended. 

His other half gently took his hands, calming the pain once again. 

“Yes, you do.”

Steven refused to meet his eyes, frustrated with the fact that his gem was right. 

Said gem took Steven by the chin and moved his face to look at him. 

“You’re dying.” he said, the monotonous words echoing into the empty woods. 

“Well…” Steven huffed. “Maybe I should! Maybe it would be better than having to go another day with you!” 

The gem ignored his concerning statement. 

“We must fuse back.” he declared, getting up. 

“Wh… didn’t you hear what I- never mind. Fine, let’s get this over with.” Steven relented, deciding that it’d be much easier to run from his problems if he could stand on his own. 

The gem helped him up, and placed one hand on Steven’s shoulder, the other on his hip, pulling him close. 

Admittedly, being so close to his gem already felt a million times better. Steven could feel an inkling of what he felt when they first fused in White Diamond’s ship. 

However, those were happier times, despite the dire circumstances. Then, Steven was thrilled at the validation of his existence. Now, Steven was burdened with the knowledge that fusing back was just a step towards dealing with his problems again. 

Looking back at his gem, he could tell that he felt it, too. 

A small smile graced his lips, but it wasn’t nearly the grin that he wore the first time. 

He frowned. 

“Not enough.” he said, confused. 

“Does it matter?” Steven asked. “Let’s just fuse so we can go.” 

The gem shook his head. 

“Our fusion requires love. I love you, Steven. Why don’t you love me?” 

Steven scoffed. 

“What- because! I don’t want to be a gem, you know that! You’ve experienced everything I have!”

His gem thought for a moment. 

“I do not understand.” he finally said. 

Steven stepped back in annoyance, leaving their joined hands as the only contact between them. 

“You should understand perfectly! Every problem I have, it’s because I’m a gem! If I weren’t, I could have had a normal life! A human life! Don’t you want that, too?” 

The gem stared back. 

“That is not possible. Without your gem, you do not exist.”

Steven sighed. 

“I know. I’m starting to wish that were the case.” 

His other half studied him, bright eyes intense. 

“Do not be like her.” 

Steven looked at him fiercely. 

“What!?”

“You despise her for giving up on her problems, and leaving her loved ones. Do you want to do the same?” the gem questioned. 

Steven thought. 

“No.. no, of course not! This isn’t the same! I’m nothing like her!” 

“No, you’re not.” his gem agreed, taking his other hand so that they were eye-to-eye. 

“We are not. So long as we fuse back and act differently than she did.” 

Steven had to admit, his argument was sound. He didn’t want to be like his mom. He had worked so hard to prove that he wasn’t like his mom. And yet, lately… he’d been acting like her, hadn’t he? 

Steven took a deep breath. 

No. They can still fix this. 

“You’re right. We need to go back.”

“Yes.” His gem replied. 

They got back into the dance position. 

Hesitantly at first, they began to waltz, slowly spinning around the forest. 

Steven felt the happiness that he once felt trying its hardest to emerge, but it was blocked. He couldn’t be happy right now. Not when everybody is leaving him alone.

His other half spoke up, responding to his thoughts. 

“You are not alone. We are together, always.”

Steven nodded, trying to allow himself to let go and merge with his gem. 

They spun, and spun, and… nothing. 

“Fuck, I’m sorry, I’m really trying here. I don’t know what the problem is.” 

His gem looked into his eyes. 

“Almost. Not close enough.” 

“So now what?” Steven asked. 

He watched as the pink version of himself wrapped his arms around him. 

“Uh.. you need a hug?” 

“Trying to get closer.” The gem explained, leaning his head in the space between Steven’s neck and shoulder. He let out a frustrated breath. 

Steven realized that it wasn’t just himself who felt like shit when they were separated. His gem must really need him, too. 

“Here,” he said, returning the hug. “I think this is helping.” 

It was, he felt a lightness, a rush of excitement. It was like he was approaching something, but it was just out of reach. 

After a few moments of teetering on happiness, the gem held him tighter. 

“Closer.” he said. 

“Maybe we should try to dance again-” as Steven attempted the suggestion, turning to look at the gem while he moved to lift his head, their noses and lips brushed. 

An intense jolt of energy passed through them, causing Steven to gasp in surprise before pulling away in embarrassment. 

“I- I’m sorry! That was an accident!” he sputtered.

He knew there was no reason to be embarrassed in front of himself, but he felt his face heat up anyway. 

Two strong hands took his face and turned them back to face the gem. 

“Again.” he commanded. 

“Wh- what!?”

“Again.” 

“No!”

“Why not?” his gem questioned. “It is the closest we have gotten to fusing.” 

“Well, yeah, but... no. No, it’s just too weird!” Steven exclaimed, his face getting even hotter.

“Fusion is imperative. We must do it again.”

Steven thought it over, heart beginning to race. 

Yeah, it was himself, but… still! 

Then again, he was right, they did need to fuse. And that was the strongest feeling they’d had so far. 

…

He was very glad that no one was around to see this. 

“...Alright, fine. Let’s just… try it.”

He stood facing him, his gem eagerly following suit. 

He hesitantly drew his hands up to the gem’s face. His other half wrapped his arms around his back and patiently waited, although Steven could feel the desperation radiating off of him. 

Cupping his cheeks, he gently pulled the gem closer and slowly leaned in. 

His heart was beating out of his chest, now. This… wasn’t that weird, right? You’re supposed to love yourself. This is just… a form of self love. 

He repeated this to himself as their lips met.

Immediately, a surge of energy blossomed between them. Strongest they’ve gotten, but still not enough. 

Steven pulled back a few inches. 

“Dammit, why didn’t that work? Don’t tell me I just did that for nothing.” 

His gem half held him tighter. 

“Again.” he stated. 

Steven sighed. This had better be worth it. 

He closed the gap again, slightly tilting his head to the side. His gem mimicked him, slotting their lips together comfortably. 

As they kissed, Steven felt lighter than air. He felt as though all of his troubles could melt away. He almost felt whole.

His gem grasped at his dark hair, deepening the kiss. Steven groaned as their lips worked together. 

The feeling was so strong, and yet…

“More.” His gem said, disconnecting. Steven took a second to catch his breath. 

His face felt like fire. He’d never kissed anyone this much, and he was doing it with himself, of all people?

Just a little more, they were almost there. 

“Okay, just..” he pulled them over to a nearby rock and sat. 

Rather than sitting down beside him, the gem sat in his lap, facing him, legs wrapped around his middle. 

Steven’s heart raced. 

“Do- do you have to-”

He was cut off by his gem kissing him again. 

This time, as the feeling returned, the gem kissed him harder and with more desperation, refusing to let it fade away again. 

Steven could no longer think about how weird this was, he could barely think at all with his other half pressed into him so tightly, taking the breath out of him. 

He jumped when he felt a tongue run across his lips, pushing. 

His lips parted, letting out a whiny noise when their tongues met. This all felt… amazing. He’d never felt this before, and he didn’t know if this was what kissing was always like, or if it was only like this when kissing your other half. 

Enthusiasm building, they fervently moved their lips and tongues together. The gem placed one arm behind Steven, another on the back of his head, tilting him back against the rock so that he was able to kiss him with even more strength. 

They continued for a while, only separating when Steven needed to take a deep breath. 

“Christ…”

“Don’t stop. We are close to fusing.” the gem said urgently. 

“Are… are you sure this is gonna work?” Steven asked between breaths. 

After all, the feeling had been so strong, and yet here they were, still unfused. 

“It has to.” His other half responded. 

He shifted closer to wrap his legs more tightly around the human, leaning in to kiss him again. 

In doing so, he accidentally brushed against something that made Steven let out a gasp. 

The resulting jolt of a feeling was stronger than even their kiss had been. 

They made eye contact, both knowing what this meant. Steven was filled with dread, his face beet red and sweat forming on his brow.

“W-wait-” he was cut off by the gem repeating the motion, making him gasp again. 

His gem observed his reaction, eyes moving down to the area in question. 

His hand moved to rub against Steven’s pants, shivering when the feeling returned. 

“This will certainly lead to fusion.” the gem concluded, looking back up at Steven. 

“Seriously!?” Steven’s voice cracked. “Okay, this is so weird. You know that, right?” 

His gem stared back. “It is only logical. We must achieve the strongest feeling possible to fuse, and that happens to be-” 

“I get it, I get it!” Steven grimaced. “Fine, let’s give it a try I guess. Might as well, I’ve already made out with my damn self.” 

The gem moved out of Steven’s lap and instead stood over him, one hand pinning him against the rocks and the other reaching into his pants. 

He grasped, experimentally moving his fingers around.

Steven groaned, his hips twitching upwards. 

His life was very strange, but this was one of the strangest things he’d ever done. 

Still, he couldn’t deny that he felt much closer to fusing with each rush of pleasure. 

“Oh god..” he moaned as his gem stroked him steadily. 

For a few minutes, this continued, Steven’s noises ringing through the empty forest. 

“Almost there.” His other half said, voice a little breathless, as if he were the one being touched.

“Just don’t fucking stop.” Steven grunted back, closing his eyes. 

The feeling of closeness mixed with the intensity of the strokes until all either of them could do was desperately chase it, the gem moving more quickly and forcefully. 

Steven gasped, throwing his head back as a white light surrounded them. 

When he opened his eyes, he was alone, with an uncomfortable wetness in his pants. 

His face heat up. Well… not really alone, he supposed.


End file.
